A wonderful elementary school principle reminded me in her blog today, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God." (Thomas Meron)
That is so true. This training is challenging me to be all that I dreamed of being: someone who abides in Christ daily; someone who takes care of her body; someone who knows how to love. So, I am learning how to live as a saint. Not in that cloistered, non-human perfection kind of way, but simply someone who has been radically changed by what she has realized about herself, the world and her God. But as importantly, she has chosen to act according to that realization. It's that choice to act that has caught me up and has kept me from living that abundant life that Jesus Christ said he became human to give us. Again and again, I have chosen comfort food over health, entertainment over wisdom, and self-obsession over love. How do you break away from such well worn paths?
I told about two hundred of my closest friends yesterday that my habit is to look at the world through atheistic - or at least or at least a Deist - state of mind. But yesterday, Christ gave my eyes a little glimpse of the world. We had three hours of silence so that we could settle in and seek God in all this mayhem that we have been handling since - well, for some of these parents - for a while.
I read from the Scriptures and I was surprised by how fresh the Exodus story was to me. I could see how God called Moses out through his curiosity and so many other things. I also spent an hour in prayer to confess myself before God everything that was going on inside me. I prayed for each of us who are going to embark on this journey. And I prayed for my team in Vienna. I prayed that God would strengthen our bonds of love so that people could see that we were more than friends; that they could see God with us.
During the gathering at the end of the time we shared, "what the Spirit said." And my teammate Christina got up and read of Exodus three, applying the passage as her call to the Viennese to bring them out of spiritual oppression. Of all the passages in the scripture we had chosen the same passage. I could hear the Spirit say, "I did this so you would know that the same Spirit that is in you is in Christina and other your teammates. I will do mighty things through you as a team." Talk about a bonding moment! And what an answer to my prayer. I know that He is going to use us to show His love and power to the people. And, this also reminded me: we are not going to share a philosophy or religion. We are going to show people how to connect with the Living God. The thought takes my breath away.
I wish that we could all take two months out of our lives to examine ourselves, learn about truth, and get equipped to live in the world. Of course, this is not even the end of week one! (Our weeks start on Mondays.) I can't imagine how my life and perspective are going to be different in seven weeks. And, how different again when all these fine ideas are challenged in real European life. But, for today, I am set on being the woman God created me to be. I want to molded to His image. I want to be in communion with Him and his people. I want to reach out and help others to do the same.
Let it be, Lord. Let it be.
31 January 2009
28 January 2009
First Real Day
Two entries in one day!
I am so overwhelmed on so many levels. There are so many emotions, thoughts, ideas, questions, and names going through my head right now. Lance, I just met a guy who volunteered in Vienna named Clint who promised I will have the time of my life in Vien. He's vouching for you guys. From what I can tell from the Elledges, I don't know how we couldn't have an amazing time! I haven't seen the girls yet, but they just had their first day of school so I'm curious to see how it went for them.
Speaking of, I've met some great journeygirls who are going to be my neighbors in Western Europe. And we spent hours in lectures about immunizations and legal concerns so we are bond for life. There is also a Western European meeting tonight so I want to be focused when I see who my region-people are going to be. If I can just learn ten more names I'll consider the day a success.
But, to really do this whole orientation thing, I need to focus on the one man who matters most to me. I feel like I've been at a family reunion all day with my father always in the other room. I need to get some time with God. Probably going to have another quiet night - reading Scripture and spending some time with Him. Social time will come.
Time for dinner.
PS: Amber (is going to Milan!) just found out that her supervisor found her an apartment on a fourth floor - with no elevator. If I can only be so lucky I'll be buff by the time I get back to the States. :)
I am so overwhelmed on so many levels. There are so many emotions, thoughts, ideas, questions, and names going through my head right now. Lance, I just met a guy who volunteered in Vienna named Clint who promised I will have the time of my life in Vien. He's vouching for you guys. From what I can tell from the Elledges, I don't know how we couldn't have an amazing time! I haven't seen the girls yet, but they just had their first day of school so I'm curious to see how it went for them.
Speaking of, I've met some great journeygirls who are going to be my neighbors in Western Europe. And we spent hours in lectures about immunizations and legal concerns so we are bond for life. There is also a Western European meeting tonight so I want to be focused when I see who my region-people are going to be. If I can just learn ten more names I'll consider the day a success.
But, to really do this whole orientation thing, I need to focus on the one man who matters most to me. I feel like I've been at a family reunion all day with my father always in the other room. I need to get some time with God. Probably going to have another quiet night - reading Scripture and spending some time with Him. Social time will come.
Time for dinner.
PS: Amber (is going to Milan!) just found out that her supervisor found her an apartment on a fourth floor - with no elevator. If I can only be so lucky I'll be buff by the time I get back to the States. :)
Here We Are!
So, I thought for a second that I would have wireless internet connection from my little dorm room, but no signal to be had. This is probably good because it's making me get out in the morning to eat breakfast and socialize a bit before sessions start for the day.
Hmm. First impressions have been wonderful. The whole campus is icy and frosted, giving the trees a magical feeling. Everyone has been so friendly and I love how many people who are here who are going to Europe. I'm never going to have to stay in a Hotel in Paris, the western islands of Scotland, Brussels . . . not to mention more exotic locales.
I'm also feelings desperately behind. People refer to things I have no idea about, I realized yesterday that I never actually got five churches to officially declare they would be my prayer partners, and I can't shake a feeling of sleepiness. I know that I'll get used to things by the end. And then on to the next thing!
Oh, Christina Elledge just walked up!
Write later.
Hmm. First impressions have been wonderful. The whole campus is icy and frosted, giving the trees a magical feeling. Everyone has been so friendly and I love how many people who are here who are going to Europe. I'm never going to have to stay in a Hotel in Paris, the western islands of Scotland, Brussels . . . not to mention more exotic locales.
I'm also feelings desperately behind. People refer to things I have no idea about, I realized yesterday that I never actually got five churches to officially declare they would be my prayer partners, and I can't shake a feeling of sleepiness. I know that I'll get used to things by the end. And then on to the next thing!
Oh, Christina Elledge just walked up!
Write later.
22 January 2009
Coffee Versus Espresso
Just four days until I leave all this behind.
I have begun - and so far only when I'm alone - to convulse like I'm either going to start weeping or vomit but thankfully just do the warm up part, not the actual full on freak out. Once when I looked at my dog sleeping in her fluffy bed in the breakfast room, once when driving up Nolensville Rd and realized how different this growing area will look by the time I get back, and again just now as I placed a towel in my suitcase as I try to gauge just how realistic I've been on estimates of what I can take with me.
The stress of "new school," "first day at my dream job," and the way to big for my head thoughts like, "I'm really living my dream to give my life for GOD and THE SALVATION OF THE WORLD!!!" is a little over whelming. The rational part of my brain is trying to focus on the size of my future closet and trying desperately to remember those last minute things. My room is a disaster of piles and empty hangers. I'm going to sleep in the guest bed again.
These are the days when coffee choices are important. I made the mistake of ordering the wrong thing today. You see, my dad left his cell phone at home - something he never does so I knew that he would feel blind without it. So, I decided to surprise him with a visit from me for lunch. But, he had a business lunch already scheduled so I spent most lunch talking to my dad's associates about what I'm about to try to do. I think my dad and I about burst into tears three different times. We're fine. Handling it great. Happy, happy, happy. At least I left lunch feeling unbelievably supported my him and the other guys - as baffled as some of them were that my dad would allow his daughter to live halfway around the world, when, as one guy said, he doesn't like his married 30 year old daughter to leave the Hermitage area alone.
From there I went to my mom's school to bring her some Advil and Diet Coke as she had burned her hand pretty bad last night and needed help to make it through the day. On the way I stopped at the Bucks. In an attempt to save money and prove that I'm a grown up that can drink real coffee and not just the mamby-pamby girlie drinks, and therefore can completely handle all that life may give me, I deviated from my tall non-fat latte with two Spenda and got a basic cup of dark roast. Four sips into it and my stomach revolted and my heart started for race. Clearly I was way too wound up to be drinking coffee.
Fortunately, I didn't push myself to drink any more and all was well. I was able to get my mom her meds, teach a teacher how to croucet a hat during recess, sat through the third grade's program during at assembly, and read to my mom's fifth graders til the end of the school day. By the time I left I was hungry and had a headach. This time I got my drink and all was well with the world. Paking could resume and my dog did not have to deal with a crazy person.
I'm going to miss espresso during training, but at least they have plenty of tea.
I'm not touching the coffee.
I have begun - and so far only when I'm alone - to convulse like I'm either going to start weeping or vomit but thankfully just do the warm up part, not the actual full on freak out. Once when I looked at my dog sleeping in her fluffy bed in the breakfast room, once when driving up Nolensville Rd and realized how different this growing area will look by the time I get back, and again just now as I placed a towel in my suitcase as I try to gauge just how realistic I've been on estimates of what I can take with me.
The stress of "new school," "first day at my dream job," and the way to big for my head thoughts like, "I'm really living my dream to give my life for GOD and THE SALVATION OF THE WORLD!!!" is a little over whelming. The rational part of my brain is trying to focus on the size of my future closet and trying desperately to remember those last minute things. My room is a disaster of piles and empty hangers. I'm going to sleep in the guest bed again.
These are the days when coffee choices are important. I made the mistake of ordering the wrong thing today. You see, my dad left his cell phone at home - something he never does so I knew that he would feel blind without it. So, I decided to surprise him with a visit from me for lunch. But, he had a business lunch already scheduled so I spent most lunch talking to my dad's associates about what I'm about to try to do. I think my dad and I about burst into tears three different times. We're fine. Handling it great. Happy, happy, happy. At least I left lunch feeling unbelievably supported my him and the other guys - as baffled as some of them were that my dad would allow his daughter to live halfway around the world, when, as one guy said, he doesn't like his married 30 year old daughter to leave the Hermitage area alone.
From there I went to my mom's school to bring her some Advil and Diet Coke as she had burned her hand pretty bad last night and needed help to make it through the day. On the way I stopped at the Bucks. In an attempt to save money and prove that I'm a grown up that can drink real coffee and not just the mamby-pamby girlie drinks, and therefore can completely handle all that life may give me, I deviated from my tall non-fat latte with two Spenda and got a basic cup of dark roast. Four sips into it and my stomach revolted and my heart started for race. Clearly I was way too wound up to be drinking coffee.
Fortunately, I didn't push myself to drink any more and all was well. I was able to get my mom her meds, teach a teacher how to croucet a hat during recess, sat through the third grade's program during at assembly, and read to my mom's fifth graders til the end of the school day. By the time I left I was hungry and had a headach. This time I got my drink and all was well with the world. Paking could resume and my dog did not have to deal with a crazy person.
I'm going to miss espresso during training, but at least they have plenty of tea.
I'm not touching the coffee.
20 January 2009
More Gilmore Than You Need
[By this time next week I'll be unpacking. . . Great thought!]
I have a very special dad. He will listen/talk to me about anything and sometimes things I say will stick with him. Like, when I told him how much I loved the silly little show called Gilmore Girls, he started recording them on his record-tv-on -your-computer thingy (I'm such a tech geek, I know. Try to keep up). So, I realized last night that I hadn't watched very many of those very sweetly recorded shows. . . Yup, as soon as I got home from an early appointment with the dentist for some teeth reconstruction and while the rest of the world watched Washington, I was chillin' in the magic world of small town Connecticut.
Don't worry, I took a break for history making for about thirty minutes to watch Yo-Yo and the gang warm up the crowd for the swearing in and such. Really, the benediction was inspiring. I just can't imagine how this day must be for those who were on the front lines of the Civil Rights movement - but I'm progessing here. Must tell you about my frivolity.
Back to the Gilmores: It's not just the shows themselves. It takes me back to beautifully spent hours with dear girl friends who share my love of their cultural references and fast talking snide comments. In fact, after about 12 hours of first snow falls, Life and Death Bergade and twenty-minute sweaters, I'm still hungry for more - and there's more to be had, waiting for me! But, I'm honestly less than productive when I watch TV. Must resist! Haven't worked on German in three days.
I have a very special dad. He will listen/talk to me about anything and sometimes things I say will stick with him. Like, when I told him how much I loved the silly little show called Gilmore Girls, he started recording them on his record-tv-on -your-computer thingy (I'm such a tech geek, I know. Try to keep up). So, I realized last night that I hadn't watched very many of those very sweetly recorded shows. . . Yup, as soon as I got home from an early appointment with the dentist for some teeth reconstruction and while the rest of the world watched Washington, I was chillin' in the magic world of small town Connecticut.
Don't worry, I took a break for history making for about thirty minutes to watch Yo-Yo and the gang warm up the crowd for the swearing in and such. Really, the benediction was inspiring. I just can't imagine how this day must be for those who were on the front lines of the Civil Rights movement - but I'm progessing here. Must tell you about my frivolity.
Back to the Gilmores: It's not just the shows themselves. It takes me back to beautifully spent hours with dear girl friends who share my love of their cultural references and fast talking snide comments. In fact, after about 12 hours of first snow falls, Life and Death Bergade and twenty-minute sweaters, I'm still hungry for more - and there's more to be had, waiting for me! But, I'm honestly less than productive when I watch TV. Must resist! Haven't worked on German in three days.
19 January 2009
A slow/snow day
Things to do today:
sleep in
watch snow
update profiles
freak out about moving and starting a new life
freak out about not being grown up enough to leave the country; yes at 27.
snuggle with my beagle
stare at all my stuff, wishing it was a lot smaller
wish I could take my beagle
watch my beagle stare at herself in the mirror. She's very vain.
throw away more stuff
write my update e-mail
think of people to give things to - all too far away
find my Bible again . . .
Oh, and think about Dr. King's legacy
sleep in
watch snow
update profiles
freak out about moving and starting a new life
freak out about not being grown up enough to leave the country; yes at 27.
snuggle with my beagle
stare at all my stuff, wishing it was a lot smaller
wish I could take my beagle
watch my beagle stare at herself in the mirror. She's very vain.
throw away more stuff
write my update e-mail
think of people to give things to - all too far away
find my Bible again . . .
Oh, and think about Dr. King's legacy
New Start
I have agonized for quite a while as to how I'm going to communicate with those I love as I prepare and eventually move to Austria. And, at long last I've decided to actually re-enter the blog world. Until now I've done very little on this blog, but I'm hoping that since it will be one of the few links I have to my old world (the New World, that is) that I will actually keep up with this.
So, bare with me as I struggle through.
So, bare with me as I struggle through.
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